THIS is why I shouldn't be allowed to cook. Part II.

Yep kids, I have been at it again.

Yesterday was chicken cooking day. The great part about being a bodybuilder is all the fricken cooking one has to do. I just *LOVE* spending quality time with my kitchen, Betty Crocker style. Well maybe Betty Crocker minus the chocolate cake mix, flour, butter, icing sugar yada yada...and plus the chicken breasts, fish, tuna, spinach and broccoli. Does it count that I use a shit load of eggs?

Anyway back to the story. I bought some chicken breast meat from Coles yesterday and thought I best be cooking it up asap as when you buy it direct from their deli counter (as opposed to the pre-packed chicken breast fillets that they charge you about $6 a kilo more for) it tends to last about, hmm, 12 hours before smelling rather offensive and making one think twice about ingesting it. E-colli poisoning is not fun, that I can tell you from experience (again, that's another blog post...I'm certainly racking those up!) So being in competition season right now I avoid as many extra calories as I can (doesn't that make me a fun person) and like to cook on a non-stick frypan when I can with no oil. Normally if you are only cooking a little bit of meats this is fine. But no, I decided to do the entire double chicken breast in one hit, cut up into small pieces. So by the end of it the frypan was extremely dry and hot. And my kitchen, well, times the description of last post by about, hmm, 8... it was like a bloody steam room. And it set my smoke alarm off. Repeatedly. Not once, not twice. Seven times. Yep. SEVEN. I am sure my neighbours are loving me by now - they have become very familiar with one certain annoyingly piercing smoke alarm.

And I have lost a certain percentage of my hearing. No MasterChef appearances for me in the near future...

The end.

THIS is why i shouldn't be allowed to cook...

OK first and foremost you have my grandest apologies for my slackness in the blogging front. Yep, it's been like, what - a year? Maybe not but feels like it. Anyway I am sure you are all going to need several thousand dollars worth of intense therapy to get over it, but ya know, too bad. Been lazy.

So I get home after a fricken MOFO of a day yesterday. I spent hours driving around yesterday and I gotta say - what the hell was it with the wankers on Sydney roads yesterday? Seriously. I could have killed someone. I think I clocked about 250km on my kilometre thingo (can't remember what it's called. What is it called anyway?) and I probably spent about 5 hours of my one day off behind the wheel of my car in traffic. Anyway that's another blog post.

So I get home...hey de ja vu...and decide to boil up some lentils for my puppies (fussy little sods...) who have recently taken to eating them. That I discovered in the midst of my flu-ness last week when I was living on soup...getting creative and adding dry lentils to the mix and thought for shits and giggles I would try and feed them lentils and see if they liked them (as if). They bloody inhaled the shit!! Can you believe it? So I have taken to throwing in the odd lentil mix to their food, ya know, just to mix it up a little. Well the fibre does them the world of good if nothing else - helps with digestion no end...let's just say lentil-infused dog shit is pretty distinguishable...but that's a whole other blog post...

Anyway back to the story. I put the lentils on to boil (I buy the dry packet mix in true wog style, gotta love the Italian heritage...) and took myself off to the loungeroom to spend some quality time with my couch. There I sat, killing time, watching the box and facebook stalking (as one does on a random Sunday arvo), oblivious to the real world. Now let's just say I don't have the world's best sinuses, after 2 lots of surgery they still aren't great (my workmates can attest to that after I sat in a confined space with some less than pleasant smelling persons a few days ago and they were amazed I was still conscious) so when my mobile phone started ringing and I went to the kitchen to retrieve it to find overcooked lentils glued all over my stovetop, burnt into the saucepan, and my kitchen smokier than Mt Vesuvius after an eruption...I was a little surprised. Anyway the saucepan couldn't be saved, and 24 hours later I am still trying to scrape burnt-on lentils off my stainless steel cooktop...the surviving lentils I might add here...well they are superlentils...bionic shit...they were bloody salvaged!!! Makes me worry about eating that stuff again...and I will save any future lentil experiments for another blog post....