Random acts of stupidness

Ok. So anyone who knows anything about my week this week will know that I have been a little on the sick side. Started off with a sore throat Tuesday morning which progressed pretty quickly into yucky shit, and yes, that is the medical term for it.

So Wednesday I woke up and overnight it was as though someone had replaced my tonsils with razorblades (OK I don't have tonsils. So maybe they just filled that void). Either way was pretty shitty. Then the hot/cold flushes started, and seeing as I know it's not menopause, I figured I was in for the long haul. Don't get me wrong - it's not like I think menopause isn't a long-ass, dragged out shitty thing to go through, or in my case look forward to at some point...but anyway. The point I make is that the hot/cold flushes were fever related and not menopausal. Phew. What the fuck am I talking about?

Anyway. I was hoping when I went to bed Wednesday night for the 18th time (it's a lie, I slept on the couch, I always sleep on the couch when I am sick...the point I am making is that I spent most of Wednesday napping and snacking on Mum's home delivered chicken soup), I was hoping that the bug would have flown off into the sunset by the time I woke up.

Nope. Thursday morning was not a good one either. I figured I should probably get to the doctor's, so that I get sick leave if nothing else, so off I toddled. Waited in the waiting room for about an hour (I was booked into the dr's 2nd timeslot for the day...how the fuck can the dr be running an hour late by his 2nd appt??) Anyway - verdict: respiratory infection. Fucken lovely. So one prescription for antibiotics, a Doctor Certificate covering me til next week and instructions to rest, rest, rest later, I left. I was pretty hungry by this stage so figured I would quickly duck home and eat before going to the shops to fill script as I needed to buy a few things and also pick up a large quantity of DVD's to get me through the next few days. Went home, had lunch (can't remember exactly what it was but most likely chicken and broccoli - just a stab in the dark) but first did what I do when I enter my house ALL the time. I put my nice, snuggly bathrobe on over my clothes. My house always seems so cold and my robe is sooo warm and comfy that I literally wear it ALL THE TIME.

Anyways so I eat, potter around a bit (probably checked facebook to make sure I haven't missed anything in the last 2 hours) and generally pissfart around for a bit. Then I decide to take myself to the shops to do all the stuff I need to do. So I pull into the carpark and drive around for about 10 laps - yep I have turned up at our local shopping mall on fucking pension day, at lunchtime. Stupid, stupid me. I give up on parking anywhere within a 2km radius of any of the entries to the shops and just park wherever I can. I disembark from my vehicle (how Magnum PI does that sound!!) and start walking towards the shops. I had a few funny looks but figured that was just due to my 'I haven't been near a brush or makeup for days and haven't seen the outside world for 48 hours and I have puffier eyes than a puffer fish' look. I keep walking, and walk into the entry of the shopping centre, which is a long-corridor like entry. More people looking funny at me. Still doesn't gel why. I mean haven't these fuckers ever been sick before?

And then it hits me.

I am still wearing my robe. On top of my clothes. Not only do I look frazzled but I also look like I may have just escaped some kind of institution. So before (hopefully) anyone can recognise me (did I mention the gym I work at is about 800m from said shopping centre and my house is maybe another 1km on top of that so I actually know a fair few ppl in the area) I make my way quick as a ninja (maybe not as discreet) to the other side of the carpark and get in my car. I quicky get the robe off then drive about another 18 laps to find another carspot as FAR away from the first as I could, at a different entry and make my way in, as though nothing had happened.

The end.

PS - sorry about the random ending, bit of an anti climax I know. I was just trying to make the point of my stupid act of the week.

THIS is why I shouldn't be allowed to cook. Part II.

Yep kids, I have been at it again.

Yesterday was chicken cooking day. The great part about being a bodybuilder is all the fricken cooking one has to do. I just *LOVE* spending quality time with my kitchen, Betty Crocker style. Well maybe Betty Crocker minus the chocolate cake mix, flour, butter, icing sugar yada yada...and plus the chicken breasts, fish, tuna, spinach and broccoli. Does it count that I use a shit load of eggs?

Anyway back to the story. I bought some chicken breast meat from Coles yesterday and thought I best be cooking it up asap as when you buy it direct from their deli counter (as opposed to the pre-packed chicken breast fillets that they charge you about $6 a kilo more for) it tends to last about, hmm, 12 hours before smelling rather offensive and making one think twice about ingesting it. E-colli poisoning is not fun, that I can tell you from experience (again, that's another blog post...I'm certainly racking those up!) So being in competition season right now I avoid as many extra calories as I can (doesn't that make me a fun person) and like to cook on a non-stick frypan when I can with no oil. Normally if you are only cooking a little bit of meats this is fine. But no, I decided to do the entire double chicken breast in one hit, cut up into small pieces. So by the end of it the frypan was extremely dry and hot. And my kitchen, well, times the description of last post by about, hmm, 8... it was like a bloody steam room. And it set my smoke alarm off. Repeatedly. Not once, not twice. Seven times. Yep. SEVEN. I am sure my neighbours are loving me by now - they have become very familiar with one certain annoyingly piercing smoke alarm.

And I have lost a certain percentage of my hearing. No MasterChef appearances for me in the near future...

The end.

THIS is why i shouldn't be allowed to cook...

OK first and foremost you have my grandest apologies for my slackness in the blogging front. Yep, it's been like, what - a year? Maybe not but feels like it. Anyway I am sure you are all going to need several thousand dollars worth of intense therapy to get over it, but ya know, too bad. Been lazy.

So I get home after a fricken MOFO of a day yesterday. I spent hours driving around yesterday and I gotta say - what the hell was it with the wankers on Sydney roads yesterday? Seriously. I could have killed someone. I think I clocked about 250km on my kilometre thingo (can't remember what it's called. What is it called anyway?) and I probably spent about 5 hours of my one day off behind the wheel of my car in traffic. Anyway that's another blog post.

So I get home...hey de ja vu...and decide to boil up some lentils for my puppies (fussy little sods...) who have recently taken to eating them. That I discovered in the midst of my flu-ness last week when I was living on soup...getting creative and adding dry lentils to the mix and thought for shits and giggles I would try and feed them lentils and see if they liked them (as if). They bloody inhaled the shit!! Can you believe it? So I have taken to throwing in the odd lentil mix to their food, ya know, just to mix it up a little. Well the fibre does them the world of good if nothing else - helps with digestion no end...let's just say lentil-infused dog shit is pretty distinguishable...but that's a whole other blog post...

Anyway back to the story. I put the lentils on to boil (I buy the dry packet mix in true wog style, gotta love the Italian heritage...) and took myself off to the loungeroom to spend some quality time with my couch. There I sat, killing time, watching the box and facebook stalking (as one does on a random Sunday arvo), oblivious to the real world. Now let's just say I don't have the world's best sinuses, after 2 lots of surgery they still aren't great (my workmates can attest to that after I sat in a confined space with some less than pleasant smelling persons a few days ago and they were amazed I was still conscious) so when my mobile phone started ringing and I went to the kitchen to retrieve it to find overcooked lentils glued all over my stovetop, burnt into the saucepan, and my kitchen smokier than Mt Vesuvius after an eruption...I was a little surprised. Anyway the saucepan couldn't be saved, and 24 hours later I am still trying to scrape burnt-on lentils off my stainless steel cooktop...the surviving lentils I might add here...well they are superlentils...bionic shit...they were bloody salvaged!!! Makes me worry about eating that stuff again...and I will save any future lentil experiments for another blog post....

KILLING MY LIFE!!

Have I mentioned on here how much I hate wednesdays? They kill my life. Wednesday is the day that The Guru (licencee of our work) comes in and either conducts staff "training" (not sure what exactly he's training us in other than time wasting skills), or subjects us to fucked up development sessions, like SWOT* analysis. WHAT THE FUCK.

Honestly, I would rather be digging my eyeballs out with a goddamned spoon. No, really I would.

So I don't start work til 1pm Wednesdays, which means I waste my morning thinking about how much I don't wanna go in, and what miraculous deadly infection I could have contracted in the 2 hours between being in there doing my workout, and starting work.

I have one hour to go...nanna nap time I think...

Now where is that spoon??

In other news...hmmm what's been going on?

Between work, a massive tax bill I copped on friday, having all the girls over on sunday...not much else has been happening...

Back into comp prep which i won't go on about here (that's my other blog)...have a birthday this friday night which may end up messy...work saturday then a comp to go watch sunday...aside from that life is boring as hell :( Note to self...must fix that...

Hmmm 59 mins to decide whether it's worth faking my own death lol

*SWOT = strenghts, weaknesses, opportunities, threats. YES THAT IS THE SHIT I AM TALKING ABOUT. seriously...kill my life...

RaNdOm FaCtS aBoUt MeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEe...

i am a true virgo in many ways...a perfectionist who is always right...
i am terrified of cockroaches. can't even pick a dead one up with a dustpan.
i cured my fear of heights by hot air ballooning while in egypt.
i have an extra pair of ribs.
i loooooove ice cream, especially gelato. you could put any dessert in front of me and if there is a bowl of gelato, that's what i am likely to pick (unless there is a chocolate fudge brownie, which comes with ice cream...)
i have two pomeranians, felix and trixie. they are very cute. felix is the oldest but is a toy pom so looks like a puppy. trixie is a giant pom and has both epilepsy and ADHD (fact!!)
i love weight training but hate cardio. with a passion. always have. always will.
i am a massive eater, and can out-eat most people when i am not dieting. i once won a meat eating contest at a steakhouse. i won in the dessert round (go figure, and yes it was ice cream!)
i think my mum is the nicest person i have ever met. i love her to death.
i would drop everything and move to rome in a heartbeat. same with venice.
i love living on my own.
my house caught fire when i was showering once late at night. when the firefighters turned up i was still dripping wet, wearing only a bathrobe, and still had shampoo in my hair.
i have an obsession with shoes, and own too many to even count.
i have pierced my nose and tongue two times each, and my belly button three times. the only remaining piercing is my nose.
i never ate seafood til i started dieting for my first bodybuilding (figure) comp.
the first time i wore a bikini in public was on stage in a national figure competition, in front of a few hundred people.
me and my brother never got along well til i moved out of home. i spent a lot of my childhood running away from him while he was throwing things like darts at me. we are really close now but he lives in melbourne.
i am double jointed in all my fingers.
before i was a personal trainer i worked as an investigator for over 8 years.
when i was a child i was very accident prone and had to have stitches a lot...by the age of 5 i had had them 6 times. as a teenager i progressed to broken bones, and have done 4 ribs, both ankles, most of my fingers, my nose (5 times), some of my vertebrae...knock on wood, there haven't been any serious injuries in a few years.
i am obsessed with Bono, and Lenny Kravitz. love em both.
i used to be a massive drinker...even had my stomach pumped when i was young and stupid.
i spent my teenage years battling an eating disorder, and was put in a clinic for treatment of anorexia when i was 15.
i am addicted to the Rocky series...and the Sopranos.
i often wonder if i will die alone.
i LOVE to travel and if i was rich, it's all i would do. i am dying to go to the carribean.
i love to read but hardly ever get a chance.
my favourite sound is the ocean. i would love to live near the water so i could fall asleep to that sound every night.
my best friend is getting married in august. after that, i am officially DONE with bridesmaid duties.
if i only had 24 hours to live, i don't even know how i would spend that time!!
my friends and family mean the world to me and there is nothing i wouldn't do for them.

tick tock tick tock

What's that tick tock noise, you ask?

Clearly it's not my alarm clock, which hasn't miraculously come back to life. (That's just a stupid thought anyway. My alarm clock was electric. No noise.)

No, it's the sound of me...waiting...for Mamma Huntsman to work out it was me who killed her 40,000 baby Huntsman offspring that I happened to come home and find. I am guessing she's gonna be an angry mamma too. Not my problem - it's my house and unless Mamma huntsman is willing to pay rent for her million babies, she can find her own place.

Vicki - 40,000.
Huntsman - Zero.

DIE LITTLE MOFOS!!!

...the end of an era...

OMG I can't believe it. Today marks the end of an era.

I woke up this morning at 6.30 - yes on my goddamned day off, I still can't sleep the fuck in.

Anyway back to the story.

I woke up and everything appeared normal. I looked at my phone. 6.30am. I looked at my alarm clock. 6.35am (I keep it 5 mins fast in the hope that one day I will actually *forget* that I purposely made it 5 mins fast and miraculously be early for everything).

OK enough of being sidetracked.

I get out of bed and make myself my oats with chocolate protein powder and a teaspoon of natural peanut butter mixed in. Fave meal of the day. What kind of a boring ass life do I lead?? LOLZ... (that's just for you Foxxxxy).

A little later, I walk into my bedroom. I happen to glimpse at previously mentioned alarm clock. It now says 11.01. I begin thinking, WTF?? Seriously, it can't be that late. I look at my watch. 7.32am. I look at my phone. 7.32am. Hmmm something not quite right.

I leave my bedroom to do other time wasting stuff, you know like washing, and the dishes and stuff. I return to bedroom at 8am. Alarm clock now says 9.18am.

Seriously. IS SOMEONE FUCKING WITH ME???

So I have been in mourning today. I have had that alarm clock since I was like, 11 or something. It is part of me. I have gone to replace it quite a few times but could never bring myself to do it cos seriously, that's my alarm clock!!!

Which is now among the dearly departed.

Rest in Peace, little clock.

The End.